how can u be prego again
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
