she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize