You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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