She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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