I wanna bring you to show and tell
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
