She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
