jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
