Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
