I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize