did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
