there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
did i just pee glitter
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
