Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
