I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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