Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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