Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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