i was born a porn star she said
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
