fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
