You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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