I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
