I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
