it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
