I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
