R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
