Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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