lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize