Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
