My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
