I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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