So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize