I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
