I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
