plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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