you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
