since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
