I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
