if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize