At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
