I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You ruined the universe
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
ok first of all what the fuck
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
