he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
