I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
