I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
