Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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