my vag is so smooth its legendary
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
