i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
