im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
