oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
