Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
