He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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