Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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