Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
