i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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