I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
