she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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