In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Life is so much better after having sex.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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