Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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