Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
