I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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