I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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