you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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