My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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