kristin has been a bad kristin
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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