dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
handjob tips. give me some.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
