You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
