I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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