Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I party with great urgency now.
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